why i’m rather picky

this weekend was fairly insightful. by late saturday night, i finally realized the source of my dating problems.

on friday, two girls and i meet up with some guys, lets call them torvald and HH. they’re both in their 20s, though neither is that cute (t suffers from early balding). since my roommate wants to sleep with one of them, my job for friday was to play the wingman. (keep in mind, the other girl and i had no idea who they were.)

by the end of the night, the torvald character had me in a virtually loony-tunes level of wrath. (i pictured taking out an oversized acme sledgehammer and shotputting him off the roof of the building). i’d never heard ‘pussy’ and ‘vagina’ used as an insult so many times. the attempted conversation about strippers went on well past the point where it was funny, and just started to make my skin crawl. but what set me over was the joke about sexually assaulting one of the girls we were with. at this point, wingman be damned, i mocked the guy into submission. he remained quiet for the rest of the night. (seeing a sexist deflate: priceless.) the roommate wholeheartedly (and a little drunkenly) agreed.

then, saturday. at the bar, i met a girl who thought many women used abortion as a form of contraception (as in, this was the source of most abortions [wrong]). not a feminist, because sexism is “pretty much over”. literally right as she said this, across the bar, two of the girls we were out with got offered $1,000 each for prostituting themselves. they run back, creeped out, and the anti-choicer doesn’t make the connection. (demeaning? huh?)

at that moment, i realized my problem. i refuse to associate with people who have the sexual politics of a viking raid.  i just don’t want to deal with non-feminists. i can’t stand women who expect me to act like torvald and HH. i don’t (i hope), i won’t, and while i won’t knock what gets people off… just… not with me, ok?


on a related note. friday with t and HH felt like the intersection of two cultures. this was clearly the way these two have learned to behave, and you could tell that once i cut t down, he suddenly became aware that he was in a group with radically different social norms. and very confused. nobody in my social sphere is comparable. we may not all be feminists, but the rules about appropriate vs sexist are mutally understood and respected. they’re even unstated. [funny thing, habitus]

looking back, i realized that at a couple points, the other two looked to me, to see if what they were doing was ‘safe’.  from one guy, to another.  i have to think of a way to use that to reform guys like this in the future…

time to go shop for another copy of “feminism for everybody

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One Response to “why i’m rather picky”

  1. falling upstairs » Blog Archive » feminism fights jaberwocky, jaberwocky now cuddly Says:

    […] since the weekend, i’ve been having a series of interminable debates on sexism in america. among which, i keep being told: no men truly want to be with feminists. all men really want is to be with a submissive little twit. […]

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